shiso mama

Ah, we are so looking forward to this weekend, despite the drizzles we had this afternoon.  F and I are heading to Napa for a luxurious evening at a fancy hotel for a last hurrah before the baby arrives.  We’re scheduled to eat here before we come back — can you believe I’m going to eat at a vegetarian restaurant that also has a yoga studio? wtf??!!  I swear Berkeley’s getting to me.  I just hope my cold gets better so that I can taste all that yumminess!

I’ve been tagged by Meg for a meme on seven random things about me.   I actually think I’ve done this one before.

1. Whenever I cook, I find it totally and completely impossible to cook for less than large, hungry crowd. But I absolutely detest eating leftovers and will avoid doing so at all costs.

2. My first life’s ambition was to be a waitress. My second life’s ambition was to be a Solid Gold dancer. I guess one out of two ain’t too bad.

3. I freak out if anyone touches my neck.

4.  F claims that I’m the most ticklish person alive, but that’s not related to the neck thing.

5.  I’m a control freak.

6.  I think my social skills are debilitatingly poor.

7.  I can’t for the life of me remember the last name of the last boyfriend I dated before F.

I just sent around a chain letter to pre-schoolers on Otis’s behalf, so I will refrain from doing the same to my adult friends.  Does anyone want to add their own 7 random facts?  Do it in the comments or link to yourself.

We celebrated Otis’s 3rd birthday over the weekend with brunch on Sunday. We lost some folks to Easter celebrations, but we were even able to participate in the neighborhood Easter egg hunt before our own festivities started. Tons of food, friends, and a surprisingly civilized group of kids made for a fun, if exhausting, day.

One story for you - I was sitting in the dining room, chatting and eating, when my friend called me in to the other room, where most of the kids were playing. I saw Otis in a blur, on top of someone else. After seeing a flash of a bare shoulder and another flash of underwear, I realized that Otis was on top of one of his little friends, the daughter of the friend who had called me into the room. She was trying to push him off as he was going in for yet one more hug in what was surely a string of too-many. Luckily, my friend was laughing about the situation, but I was so horrified! The kid’s three and he’s molesting other kids! Again! Didn’t this happen at at least one other of his parties? Looks like we’ve got a lot more working on “No means no” or else the kid’s gonna get kicked out of school.

We ended the day with noodles with family (we always eat noodles on birthdays) and didn’t get to open any presents until the next day. But this morning he did finally get to play with the fishing game that F and I made for him.

He picked it up pretty quickly (although he seems to want to cheat a bit), and really seemed to enjoy playing with it, so we feel pretty pleased with ourselves. The various parts are also already being incorporated in his other play - the pond as a watering hole for his various animals, and the fish in the kitchen.

You know I’ve been thinking a lot about this upcoming labor. How is it possible that it’s already been three years since the first time? Otis always likes to remind me that he’s “not a baby, he’s a big kid” and that the baby’s in my belly, but I always respond that he’ll always be my baby.

Friends, thank you so much for the heartfelt comments and emails you wrote about your births. Really, you’re the best for being so candid and non-judgmental. You’ve given me a lot to think about, and I definitely have a lot of reading and thinking to do in the upcoming weeks.

***

We bought a video monitor ages ago when Otis was throwing himself out of his crib, and we were trying to keep an eye on him to make sure he was safe. We stopped using it quite some time ago, and in fact lent it to my brother to use, and only recently got it back, just in time to start catching Otis sneaking out of his bed during nap times. One day, not too long after Chinese New Year, Otis had a “hong bao” from a neighbor tucked in safely under his pillow and soon after I left, he took it out of its hiding place to play with and count his money. I came in seconds later to take it away and to remind him that it was nap time. The video monitor has come in handy often during our latest nap troubles. All of this makes me wonder, though: between the video monitor and the little extra rearview mirror in the car that allows me to see what he’s up to in the back seat without turning my head, does he ever just sit there and wonder how in the world it could be that I’m omniscient?

And now, just a little break from all this serious talk about birthin’ babies.

Our friends and back door neighbors are sadly moving away and putting their house up for sale.  We live in the Elmwood neighborhood of Berkeley, which is pretty desirable - not many houses go up for sale around here.  We know most of our neighbors, have good friends on the street, and there are multiple block parties each year.  They will be talking to a broker very soon (later this week) so if you or anyone you know are in the market, you’ll save some money if you get to them before the brokers do.

They have a 3-bedroom, 2 bathroom, one-story house with shingles.  There is a spacious master bedroom in the back, with a sitting room outside of it which has french doors leading to their cozy backyard.  Two smaller bedrooms run along one side of the house.  We have spent many happy afternoons hanging out in their comfy home and backyard.  I’m not sure of its square footage, but it’s a good size for a young family (they have two young children who are friends of Otis’s).  Their house is on Bateman Street, between Woolsey and Prince Streets, and it is a very quiet street with little traffic, and there are two parks within a block and a half.

Feel free to email me if you have questions or you can email Meg directly at megjayATgmailDOTcom.  You’ll at least have fantastic back door neighbors, and I promise not to walk around naked.

If I have to work in the garden, then so does Otis! He started out helping us shovel mulch fully clothed, by the way - with a double layer of t-shirts and a set of leg warmers on, as it was cold in the morning when we went out for our morning walk. But then he took off his shirt when he got hot (”like Baba,” after he gets hot working in the yard) and then I turned around and he was in the process of pulling his underwear off (uh, NOT like Baba, in case you were wondering). I managed to convince him to keep those on, at least, since there are so many places where mulch just doesn’t belong…

So I have officially passed the 30-week mark of my pregnancy. Ten (or hopefully at least seven) more weeks sounds like a long time in some ways, but especially when I think that I am at least three quarters of the way through my pregnancy, I know that it’ll pass so quickly. Which is making me feel a little panicky. I was just saying to F the other day that if the baby came today, or even tomorrow, we’d be screwed - we’re just not ready. Besides some diapers, the dresser, and a few random articles of clothing, it feels like we have not prepared much for the baby’s arrival. Not to mention I still feel pretty unprepared, emotionally, for the changes that are about to occur.

Then there’s the whole question of labor. When I gave birth to Otis, I didn’t go into the experience with very strong opinions about whether the birth would be natural or medicated; since I had no idea how labor would feel, I felt like I wanted to be as open as possible to the variety of choices out there and decide when the time came, and I was determined not to feel guilty about my choices. I ended up accepting pain medication and getting an epidural, and when all was said and done, I feel like I had made the right decisions.

But at some point, even before I got pregnant again, I started wondering more about natural birth. I heard stories from many of my friends, read about many others, and started becoming curious. My biggest question is why some women feel so strongly that this is the right decision for them, and I’m still not able to arrive at any satisfying answer. I know that there are concerns about whether drugs can affect the baby, and whether the drugs could lead to any medical interventions that would make for a more complicated birth. Women often feel empowered and their partners can feel more involved in the process.

But does this make natural birth the right decision for me this second time around? Like I said, I have no regrets about my first delivery, and my doctor suggests that this is the primary question I should be asking myself when making this decision. Although I did experience some regret and panic the moment the epidural took effect and I stopped feeling my legs, as I feared I would, I also believe that it ultimately helped me get through the last phase of my delivery. There was a time when the doctor and midwife started talking about c-section, and I think that the epidural enabled me to keep going and push that big-headed, surprisingly large baby out, even though it did lead to so many stitches that the staff lost count.

Will natural birth somehow make me feel different? I don’t think I’ll have regrets if this delivery goes the same way, but will I wonder what I missed out on?  Otis was almost 9 pounds, and I was barely able to keep any food down.  All evidence points to an equally large baby this time, particularly because I’ve been able to eat quite normally.  And although tons of women have birthed and will continue to birth large American babies, I have some fears and doubts about my ability to do it naturally.

So please, friends with babies, do me the kind favor of telling me why you chose to give birth the way you did, if you went in with a strong preference. I’ll probably go into this next delivery with some preferences and an open mind (and definitely not a doula or a midwife, besides anyone already on the staff), but I’d like to be able to think more comprehensively about this issue. Why was it important for you to go one way or the other? Any regrets? Would/did you make the same decision the next time(s) around? Let me know, particularly, if you willingly chose to approach your labors differently. Oh, and if you had a water birth, DEFINITELY let me know because even though I’d probably never do it myself, I’ve been totally obsessed with the idea of it ever since I saw a show about it years ago. If you’re shy, email me at shisomamaATgmailDOTcom.

Can you tell? I’ve got spring on my mind. I’m so desperate for a useable backyard this summer that I’ve spent the last couple of days crawling around the garden, trying to clear the weeds that have taken over (and boy, is it bad). I’m not sure which will kill me first - the allergies or the backaches. I know it’s nuts (I’m so huge I don’t even have a bellybutton anymore), but the weather’s been beautiful these past few days and Otis has been happily playing in the sandbox we built him last year. I’ve already reclaimed a small area by the espaliered apple tree, rosemary and lavender we planted last year, so I feel encouraged and determined to continue. Keep your fingers crossed that my body holds up…

Today is my niece, Ashley’s first birthday. I can hardly believe that the past year has flown by so quickly. I mean, do any of you remember when you were all giving me great suggestions for her name? She’s walking now, and really becoming quite famous - she’s been in a number of newspapers, and she’s going to be in a yogurt commercial with my sister-in-law soon. I mean, the kid gets more positive press than Violet Affleck! (She must have good PR people….)

Happily, my brother was just in town, and I was able to hand off her present to him. No big surprise, it’s a baby bag, a little tote made with my favorite Etsuko Furuya fabric that was left over from my homasote bulletin board project. I stitched on some felted leaves, and some leather cord for the stem. My sister-in-law loves handbags (she’s otherwise a jeans and flats kind of girl), and I guess I’m getting Ashley started early on that path as well.

We’ll get to see Ashley this summer when we go back to Taiwan. Happily, my brother is going to move to an apartment much closer to my parents’ place, so hopefully we’ll get to spend a lot more time with her. Otis will love to have a playmate to order around. Happy birthday, Baby Ashley!