shiso mama

Admittedly, we’ve been gone for a while, and some of you are suffering from Otis withdrawal (sorry, Chinese mafia!). Let me reassure you that he is doing well, having fun at school (although not napping) and getting excited about Halloween.

Here his dinosaur is biting his nose, before Otis gave him a “time out.”

And why the long silence? Well, the beginning of the school year sort of snuck up on me and my teaching schedule’s been pretty full. And well, there was that flood in the basement where everything was floating in or under a foot of water, including our water heater (which had to be replaced) and our furnace (which had to dry out and be repaired). And well finally, there was the dramatic appearance of our own little mini-Skeletor:

Creepy looking, isn’t it? Yes indeedy, a very dramatic appearance. When I’m not pounding my chest with my fists, cursing the Gods or pulling out my hair, I’m either hunched over in the bathroom or flat on my back, thinking of faster and more dignified ways to die. I thought it was bad with Otis, but this is definitely worse. My only hope is that it doesn’t last through the entire pregnancy, like last time. I’ve tried feeding it, starving it, sea sickness bands, ginger in all forms, even Zofran, but the answer still eludes me.

I’m about 11 weeks along, so our due date is May 15. So for now, much feeling sorry for myself. And you’ll probably see a lot more pictures like this:

I’ve never mentioned this to you before, but Otis is involved in an abusive relationship. He loves the 3-year old girl across the street - in fact, we’re friends with the entire family, and we all like them very much - but she can be a little, uh, rough. Oh, what harm could a wee little girl do, you ask? Well, I once saw her take both of his cheeks in her hands and then squeezed as hard as she could, her fingers dangerously close to his eyes. And the other day, when F went over there to pick Otis up from a play date, he watched as she approached Otis from behind and then grabbed his throat with both hands. She was trying to reclaim her giraffe from him.

Strangely, though, he ADORES her. He talks about her all the time. He screams for her, asks for her, gets excited when he catches a glimpse of her. This, despite the fact that for a period of time, he flinched whenever she made a sudden movement around him. And she generally feels the same way about him. Since our families are friendly, it’s impossible to keep them apart. Not that we’d want to, anyways.

Since that “choking” incident, though, we’ve been coaching Otis on what to do when someone does something that he doesn’t like. And he seems to have taken it to heart. Lately, when his animals “fight,” one will eventually tell the other one, “No! I don’t like that!” or “Stop it!” It makes me happy to see that’s he’s learning what to do. Now, if only he would learn to stop when others tell him no….

This also makes me think about a related issue - the issue of “fighting” or play fighting, I suppose. Despite all my Berkeley-esque attempts to encourage Otis to have his animals hug! or play in the sandbox! instead of fighting, none of my weak suggestions have brought about any peace in our personal animal kingdom. And he’s found a friend at school who loves to chase just as much as he does, and there was no end to (his) joy and (my) consternation when he excited related how the two of them “fought” at school (they just tickling each other with grass plumes after a round of chase). He’s talked about it endlessly since then. I don’t think that forbidding this kind of play is the right answer for us, but I will admit that I find it annoying and alarming that he’s so enamored of this kind of play. I think he’s an affectionate kid, not aggressive or bullying, but won’t he seem that way to other kids and parents if he keeps it up? He has approached kids at parties and asked them to fight, and does not yet seem capable to understanding that fighting is not a game to most other kids. I want him to feel free to explore play in his own way, but wonder at the same time if there should be limits. Should I just keep my eyes open and let this thing play itself out? At least one good thing has come out of our encounters with our neighbor - Otis is starting to understand that one can get hurt during play, and that there should be limits.